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Relationships
Mar. 23rd, 2004 11:20 pm"So I recently broke up with Crest. It hadn't been working for a while and she and I had been limping along before we both just stopped interacting, then a week or two after that we finally officially called it quits.
This is depressing. But what is much more depressing is that it is yet another in a trend I have realized in myself regarding relationships. this trend is that I absolutely suck at being single. I end up wanting to be with someone, anyone so badly that I rush into relationships. I get very deeply involved with someone before taking the time to get to know them. Thus far this has resulted in a string of short-lived relationships that crashed and burned in mo0re or less the same way. This being that once we really get to know each other we realize it doesn't work as a relationship. This trend sucks, for me and also for all the people I have ended up hurting this way.
So I need to stop. I need ot stop running out and finding a shiny new person to be deeply involved with . This is hard on me and my emotions, hard on the poor unsuspecting person who I fall for, and unfair to my friends who get to watch me do it and not comment or end up having to comiserate me on yet another breakup (plus they end up with this ever-changing list of names to try and keep straight).
So now that I am single[1] again, I'm going to make a concertent effort not to be stupid. I am not going to rush out to find a new love-of-my-life(TM). I am not going to try and seduce some new cute person into my bed just to make myself feel less lonely. I'm going ot try and not get involved with someone only for the perpose of feeling temporarily less lonely.
I'm not going to to be so arrogant as to start proudly proclaiming my singleness and plans to stay such. I tried that once before, and got so proud I ended up hurting someone very much who didn't deserve that sort of treatment.
But I am going to try to go into any relationships I enter with open eyes, and more importantly with the understanding that I am deeply *fucked up* when it comes to relationships.
This isn't going to be easy, and is prolly going ot be even less fun. But I need to do it, for myself and for anyone I may get involved with in the future."
[1] I do currently have She Whose Pet I Am, and another sweetie, but those don't count in this particular regard as they are not and it has been established they will never be capital-R-Relationships.
This is depressing. But what is much more depressing is that it is yet another in a trend I have realized in myself regarding relationships. this trend is that I absolutely suck at being single. I end up wanting to be with someone, anyone so badly that I rush into relationships. I get very deeply involved with someone before taking the time to get to know them. Thus far this has resulted in a string of short-lived relationships that crashed and burned in mo0re or less the same way. This being that once we really get to know each other we realize it doesn't work as a relationship. This trend sucks, for me and also for all the people I have ended up hurting this way.
So I need to stop. I need ot stop running out and finding a shiny new person to be deeply involved with . This is hard on me and my emotions, hard on the poor unsuspecting person who I fall for, and unfair to my friends who get to watch me do it and not comment or end up having to comiserate me on yet another breakup (plus they end up with this ever-changing list of names to try and keep straight).
So now that I am single[1] again, I'm going to make a concertent effort not to be stupid. I am not going to rush out to find a new love-of-my-life(TM). I am not going to try and seduce some new cute person into my bed just to make myself feel less lonely. I'm going ot try and not get involved with someone only for the perpose of feeling temporarily less lonely.
I'm not going to to be so arrogant as to start proudly proclaiming my singleness and plans to stay such. I tried that once before, and got so proud I ended up hurting someone very much who didn't deserve that sort of treatment.
But I am going to try to go into any relationships I enter with open eyes, and more importantly with the understanding that I am deeply *fucked up* when it comes to relationships.
This isn't going to be easy, and is prolly going ot be even less fun. But I need to do it, for myself and for anyone I may get involved with in the future."
[1] I do currently have She Whose Pet I Am, and another sweetie, but those don't count in this particular regard as they are not and it has been established they will never be capital-R-Relationships.
