I'm in love with a goddess <3
Aug. 3rd, 2025 05:26 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sorcyressThe last time I saw SJ Tucker perform live, so many things about my life were different.
Last time I saw her live was in 20176, at New York Faerie Fest (an event I'd really love to get back to someday, and I'm kinda bummed the timing just never works out, but end of the school year is _hard_ with burnout). I hadn't realized it was that far back --I did some checking of dates and the like, because sometimes it is very nice to have your entire history stored online1 in an easy-to-access format.
So wow, I can add to the "things that were different last time I saw my favourite artist perform live" that I was technically still employed by the fucking private school. It wasn't just "before the weekend that Everything Changed", it was a whole year earlier than that.
The last time I saw s00j perform live, I was still dating her ex2. :P
And I wasn't dating 60% of my current partners. I was still dating Sparr. I was living not in nBs or DanzaHausa but in ARSES. I did not yet have a therapist, which means Jenn is gonna get a hell of an infodump next week because have I mentioned s00j to her before? not sure!
But anyways, the me who was seeing her tonight was not the same as the me who saw her last, and yet and yet and yet. I didn't cry through the entire show, which is good (there wasn't a space for me to dance, so I couldn't manifest proper my own power to counter hers). I did cry uncontrollably through Little Bird and Wonders, which is good.
She was double-teaming with Ginger Doss, who I'd not heard before, and who has a beautiful voice, the kind that makes fellow enbies perk up and think positive thoughts about what that can mean for them. (The last time I saw s00j perform live, I didn't sing and that's such a fascinating and important shift in my own life).
And the thing that is the same between me then and me now is that she is still my favourite artist. Pretty sure if you'd asked me at any point in these nine years "hey Sor, who's your favourite musical artist" her name would cross my lips. That hasn't stopped or changed. She is still passionately important to me, and her music is still a huge part of who I am.
So it was really fucking good to see her, but honest-to-god, nothing made it as clear how much I have grown-the-fuck-up in the last decade as doing so. Because yeah, I still cried, but after I could hug her and exchange banter and be friendly (she said "hi Kat!" and even if she just got a reminder of my name from the very short guest list, that kicks ass). I'm not ever gonna match a goddess on her own turf, but I've reached a point where I no longer have to be weird about visiting her there.
It's nice to not spend the entire concert sobbing, yanno?
There's another concert tomorrow night (they said, at an hour small enough that tomorrow starts to feel meaningless) and I think it will be nice to go to that too. And it's a good reminder that there've been concerts and livestreams in between and I've been not as good about attending those as I once was, and I should really get back into it.
The me is different, and the her is different (hell, last time I saw her she had not yet made a whole-ass human) but sometimes the mood stays. The good parts stay.
(Persist, resist, and bloom <3)
~Sor
MOOP!
1: Okay, not my *entire* history, but I did see the post I made where I was first squeeing about kissing Austin, and boy, I never have really been subtle about that sort of thing, have I?
2: A thing I'm not sure I've ever connected publicly in this journal, but yeah, if you've been a long time follower and remembered some particular cryptics, that's what it was? Iunno.
SetList:
Roses in the Rocks
Little Bird
[two Ginger songs - She Wolf and Hippie Pocket]
Wonders
Believe in Lullabies
[two Ginger songs - Talisman, Gaia Lives]
La Sirene
Chalk on the Sidewalk
[Ginger/s00j collab - Ma Belle]
Wild Times
[Ginger song - Thankful]
(I originally wrote "as best as I can remember" but hey, when you are crammed up in the very front row, and you notice someone holding a notebook that looks like a setlist and then they foolishly put it down on the ground, you're gonna take a picture. The only memory part was remembering the bits s00j swapped out and what for, but I've got that)
Last time I saw her live was in 201
So wow, I can add to the "things that were different last time I saw my favourite artist perform live" that I was technically still employed by the fucking private school. It wasn't just "before the weekend that Everything Changed", it was a whole year earlier than that.
The last time I saw s00j perform live, I was still dating her ex2. :P
And I wasn't dating 60% of my current partners. I was still dating Sparr. I was living not in nBs or DanzaHausa but in ARSES. I did not yet have a therapist, which means Jenn is gonna get a hell of an infodump next week because have I mentioned s00j to her before? not sure!
But anyways, the me who was seeing her tonight was not the same as the me who saw her last, and yet and yet and yet. I didn't cry through the entire show, which is good (there wasn't a space for me to dance, so I couldn't manifest proper my own power to counter hers). I did cry uncontrollably through Little Bird and Wonders, which is good.
She was double-teaming with Ginger Doss, who I'd not heard before, and who has a beautiful voice, the kind that makes fellow enbies perk up and think positive thoughts about what that can mean for them. (The last time I saw s00j perform live, I didn't sing and that's such a fascinating and important shift in my own life).
And the thing that is the same between me then and me now is that she is still my favourite artist. Pretty sure if you'd asked me at any point in these nine years "hey Sor, who's your favourite musical artist" her name would cross my lips. That hasn't stopped or changed. She is still passionately important to me, and her music is still a huge part of who I am.
So it was really fucking good to see her, but honest-to-god, nothing made it as clear how much I have grown-the-fuck-up in the last decade as doing so. Because yeah, I still cried, but after I could hug her and exchange banter and be friendly (she said "hi Kat!" and even if she just got a reminder of my name from the very short guest list, that kicks ass). I'm not ever gonna match a goddess on her own turf, but I've reached a point where I no longer have to be weird about visiting her there.
It's nice to not spend the entire concert sobbing, yanno?
There's another concert tomorrow night (they said, at an hour small enough that tomorrow starts to feel meaningless) and I think it will be nice to go to that too. And it's a good reminder that there've been concerts and livestreams in between and I've been not as good about attending those as I once was, and I should really get back into it.
The me is different, and the her is different (hell, last time I saw her she had not yet made a whole-ass human) but sometimes the mood stays. The good parts stay.
(Persist, resist, and bloom <3)
~Sor
MOOP!
1: Okay, not my *entire* history, but I did see the post I made where I was first squeeing about kissing Austin, and boy, I never have really been subtle about that sort of thing, have I?
2: A thing I'm not sure I've ever connected publicly in this journal, but yeah, if you've been a long time follower and remembered some particular cryptics, that's what it was? Iunno.
SetList:
Roses in the Rocks
Little Bird
[two Ginger songs - She Wolf and Hippie Pocket]
Wonders
Believe in Lullabies
[two Ginger songs - Talisman, Gaia Lives]
La Sirene
Chalk on the Sidewalk
[Ginger/s00j collab - Ma Belle]
Wild Times
[Ginger song - Thankful]
(I originally wrote "as best as I can remember" but hey, when you are crammed up in the very front row, and you notice someone holding a notebook that looks like a setlist and then they foolishly put it down on the ground, you're gonna take a picture. The only memory part was remembering the bits s00j swapped out and what for, but I've got that)
