Vintage Ad Snark! Now with more sarcasm!

  "So mhaille pointed me to the vintage ads section of Plan 59. Dear god. This is at once the coolest and most disturbing set of ads I have ever seen. So of course, I had to snark them.

• "Bisect the sea, with the foaming wake of a fast motor boat" (the ad's original tagline, not mine)
  
  
• go go spidey baking soda!
  
  
• My but those are some fresh oranges you've got there...
  
  
• Cute, if overly formally dressed girl, ok. Football player, ok. Romantic embrace & kiss, ok. But where exactly does the rain of spoons come in?
  
  
• Rape fantasy swimsuit ads! Get your rape fantasy swimsuit ads!
  
  
• Dorris silently keyed in items, gritting her teeth in frustration. While Eugene averted his eyes, still trying to puzzle out her comment about sticking his loaf in an old bag. Susan was oblivious to the entire interplay, and wondered to herself if she'd need another gallon jug of hard cider to relax enough to give Bob his monthly "release".
  
  
• My God! Its full of biscuits!
  
  
• Yes... that's right... give me the ham... All the ham shall me MINE!!!
  
  
• Attempting to escape the drudgery of suburban life, women resort to coffee sniffing.
  
  
• A sad coffee sniffing addict.
  
  
• Thats a nice set of ...err... balloons you've got there miss.
  
  
• I know some people who need a pin of this... EDIT: Even better!
  
  
• the only thing that could make this one better? Swap the labels at the top
  
  
• Bob thinks he's the man to fill those carefree hours, but Mabel gets more thrill leaning on the washer for a long spin cycle
  
  
• Moments later, his arms was ripped out at the shoulder and sucked into the turbine!
  
  
• "End of a frisky day"