Living life...

"Well i left work about 23 minutes late today. Why? Because the store was closing at 4:30 instead of 9:30 and they needed help to heard customers out and get things straightened up.
I had spent my 1/2 lunch (and at least another 1/2hr) at home trying to get some handle onthe situation, and find out if friends were safe. Thus far the only one not accounted for of ppl I know in NYC is one friend's SO, who was in the building and hasn't been heard from since he called shortly after the first plane strike.
The store may be closed tomorrow, they're going to call us and let us know.
I built a damn lot of bikes today while listening to the radio reports. Maybe keeping my hands busy so my mind could try and catch up with everything that had happened.
I was already on my way to work when the first plane hit. By the time I left for lunch at 11am all the big stuff was over (plane strikes. building's colapsing). It's amazing that the world could change that much in less then half a work shift.
I drove my mom and sis to JFK airport in NY last FUCKING thusday. They were on an international flight for London.
I'm supposed to be at an Applemunch in NYC on Friday, I'm supposed to be at a renn faire in upstate NYC on Saturday. I have no idea what is going on with either of these things. Hell, I'm not sure that the goth night is happening at the club tonight.
I don't know what is going on with the world. THe news keeps reporting the facts, but they aren't telling me anything useful. Do I try and go about my life as normally as possible? Do I barracade myself in the house until they find who did this? Do I stock the family cottage with canned goods and wait patiently for civilization to colapse?
*sigh*
Never mind if the club is open tonight, am I capable of going there and even pretending to be social. This was supposed to be an important night, our fist time for Haven at a new club. Now that seems so small and unimportant."

I thought I was fine

"I was calm, I was matter of fact.
I was a bit worried about the friend's SO< but was remaining calm since there was nothing I could do, and I knew things were too crazy there for him to necessarily get online/call to say he was ok.
I was getting a bit pissed at the news ppl and random ppl making wild conjectures on who did it and why with no info. But I understood that that is what some ppl do to try and feel like they have some control over the situation.[1]
I was handling it fine.
Then I wrote a quick email to my mom & sis, who are on a cruise ship in europe right now. Just to let them know I was ok and to keep them up to date on the situation. As I was signing it 'hugs and lots of love' I started to cry. And now I keep teering up whenever I thnk about it.
What if something happens between now and when they get back? Whatif things get worse and I have to tell them not to come back?
This sucks.

And I just got a reply from them,saying they were glad I was ok, and that they had been worried about my friends and that they love me. And now I'm bawling so bad I'm having trouble typing.
[C] is going to come over. I think I'm going to get offline and go try and occupy my mind for a while."

[1]as a side note whoever I was listening to this morning [I think Peter Jennings] was wonderfully calm and matter of fact about the whole thing, he stated only facts, and repeatedly stated that this was no time for speculation, and that even the news reports they had might not be complete. Made me want to slap the CNN guy though after him who was making all sorts of statements and using words intended to get a strong reaction out of the listener.